Pushing Past My Limits
I did something every day this week. I can't remember the last time I left the house five days in a row for something other than school. For most people, leaving the house almost every day isn’t an abnormality, and to those people I sincerely say: good for you, and please enjoy your abled body while you have it.
Prior to my diagnoses, I remember trying to explain the unrelenting fatigue I felt to my best friend. I told her that leaving the house to go to Target fifteen minutes away was exhausting, even though that was only an hour out of my day. She asked me what I had been thinking: “If you can’t leave the house for an hour without being so tired, how are you going to go to school?”
Stubbornness was the only thing that got me through my senior year of high school. It felt as if I was standing on top of a hill, and instead of sitting down and taking a break from school or trying to go to school from home, I pitched myself forward, stumbling with lungs burning all the way towards graduation.
Since high school, I’ve learned more about myself and my body’s limitations. College tested my limits often—at the beginning of every semester, I was so certain that I couldn’t possibly do everything my professors were asking of me for the semester—but I made it through. School was my job, and that meant I was limited in which activities and events I attended.
Outside the dorm I lived in my first two years of college.
I graduated college this May, and I spent the past several months since then trying a variety of medications, exercising, going to doctors’ appointments, and ultimately working on my body. I am grateful that I have family who is willing to give me this opportunity to rest and get as well as possible, and this opportunity has also given me flexibility to be participate in every day parts of life. So, every day this week, I went out. For anyone who cares: Monday I went out to eat lunch and went to Target; Tuesday I waited in line to get tickets to see Obama campaign with Ralph Northam; Wednesday I visited my university (JMU); Thursday I went to the campaign; Friday, today, I went to acupuncture.
Visiting JMU and seeing Obama were the highlights of my week. JMU will always be my second home. It felt strange to watch students head to class while I wandered around campus taking pictures, but it was nice not to worry about being on a schedule. I went to the arboretum with my mom (for those wondering why my mom pops up in all my blogs, other than because she is amazing—I'm unable to drive, and she's often with me). Despite the three or four children screaming “kill the fish!” and splashing close to the pond with giant sticks, it was peaceful.
This little bee flew into the shot I was taking at the arboretum!
Thursday, I definitely crashed. While keeping busy, I was also adjusting the dose of a newer medication, and it ended up giving me insomnia. Though I was exhausted, I was not going to miss the chance to see Obama. When my mom and I arrived at the venue half an hour before doors were set to open, the lines wrapped around several blocks. I stood in line for a few minutes before sitting on the ground and leaning against a pillar. Thankfully, Mom was able to stand in line, and I met up with her over an hour later. Inside, I was able to sit down in an accessible section, though my mom stood elsewhere since she’s able-bodied. It was a little hard to see, but being in the environment and listening to the various Virginia democrats speak was a unique experience. Obama in particular was very encouraging, and he spoke of leaders helping to create a more inclusive future.
We are at our best not when we are trying to put people down, but when we are trying to lift everybody up.
-Barack Obama
It's fair to say I overdid it this week. The timing just worked out in a way that meant every day I left the house, and it was ultimately my choice to push my physical limitations. My body ached, I didn’t sleep enough, but I knew that would happen. This week, I was able to listen to a leader whom I greatly admire, experienced the beauty of nature and human connection, and laughed daily; overdoing it this week was entirely worth whatever my body throws at me next.